GOLDEN SPOON THEORY

There is a theory online called the “Spoon Theory”.

It is used as a metaphor for the limited energy output one can give to its environment and to one’s daily operations.

I think humans have limited attention and capacity for choosing what we want to give our attention to.

personally, i simplify myself to create 3 golden spoons per day.

one for my work (since i need the money), second for self-care, and third to be creative. those are my priorities. from the outside looking in, i have myself taken care of and figured out. i am healthy, i am adulting and handling everything on my own. i pursue my own hobbies, and i enjoy every day of my independent life.

I want to give my best to those i give my attention to, but i realized it also greatly limits what i can do in general.

what about my friends? what about building a sense of community? socializing takes a lot of energy from me. especially since im so introverted.

i used to treat who i thought were my friends with great importance, i’d give them golden spoons too. i’d support them endlessly, check in on them and ask them to hang out. i’d remember birthdays and go out of my way to plan things for them.

over the years, what i realized is, most people don’t need my golden spoons. perhaps they just need a regular shmegular spoon. I didn’t realize what i thought to be valuable efforts could be perceived as burdens for people who don’t want to carry golden spoons.

I stopped giving effort to those who don’t reciprocate. I stopped communicating with those who can’t communicate. through the stillness of it all, i started to notice. I noticed people’s priorities. i noticed most people don’t have their shit together in ways they wanted. i noticed people have different struggles they are dealing with. they were constantly churning out plastic spoons for what they believe are important. small bursts of energy here and there. it seemed shallow at first… small talks and Courteous gestures with what seems like care, but their minds thinking about what else they have to do afterwards. but their lives seem so full, so many friends, so many things happening, right? but upon further inspection, if we really look closely at their lives, if we pay closer attention to even our own, we notice where the cracks start to form. plastic spoons crack and Disintegrate too. i noticed they haven’t taken care of themselves, i noticed their stress, i noticed how people shut down to things they find joy in because there are other “priorities” in life. but what greater priority is there than to take care of your own mind, body, and soul first? to make sure the energy we give out is with pure intentions, with love, with care and fully present?

it’s been awhile since i found fun in this world, until i met others who are like me too. lives filled with golden spoons because they took care of themselves first. their energy pure and loving, they radiate softness. they interact with me in the present moment, minds not wavering. i love the feeling of connecting with others genuinely. i love the feeling of supporting those who knows how to support themselves and others. the more i surround myself with people like that, the more i feel solid in myself.

i used to feel like a burden giving golden spoons to people who didn’t care. but now i know what it feels like to give them to those who see its value and gives me the same in return. the internalized self-doubt slowly disappeared over the years and unwavering confidence emerges because i chose to give myself those golden spoons first. i look forward to growing at my own pace, solid with every step i take. with love and support from everyone i know who gave me their golden spoons too. :)